


you told me you loved me (so why did you go?)

by inlovewithimpossibility



Series: inlovewithimpossibility's Olicity Summer Sizzle 2019 Fics [8]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Olicity Summer Sizzle, Post-Episode: s06e23 Life Sentence, Post-Season/Series 06, Post-s6 Separation Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-27 23:04:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20054008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inlovewithimpossibility/pseuds/inlovewithimpossibility
Summary: A year ago today, she had been filled with so much hope. The promise of walking down a road together had been lingering in her eye. It was scary, to look forward with that much optimism for where they might go, but Felicity had been so sure in Oliver and their love for each other that she had never doubted where they were headed.She can’t imagine that kind of pure belief in the universe and its plan now.(Felicity's birthday post-s6 in Hope Springs)





	you told me you loved me (so why did you go?)

**Author's Note:**

> Hai.   
I started writing this for the weekly prompt for OSS for Felicity's birthday but decided to go a somewhat happier route with this story. Then I started listening to 'Last Kiss' by Taylor Swift the other day and all the feelings started coming back so I decided to finish this. This now fits the prompt 'post-s6 separation angst'.   
Hope you enjoy, sorry about the heavy amounts of angst :)

She doesn’t really sleep anymore.

She’s lucky if she gets two hours.

The nightmares, they don’t affect her as much as they once did. She can remember nights four years ago when Oliver would sneak in through her window to comfort her when she had nightmares of the Count. His arms around her until she fell asleep and she’d always wake up with a cold space next to her.

If only she knew then what horrors were in her future.

She wakes early each morning, the alarm still an hour away from going off. She can’t settle in this new place. It feels too much like someone else’s home. There’s nothing that feels like _hers _here and furthermore, there’s nothing that lingers with Oliver’s familiar scent which she discovered long ago is a sure-fire way to help her calm.

The shower is cold, the hot water has never really worked properly in the safe house and Felicity likes to leave the little that they do get for William. It’s the least she can do really, poor kid. The cold water helps her to stay in the present, to not spiral into dreams and thoughts that cloud her vision.

Her days of long showers are also gone. They remind her too much of Oliver laughing from their bedroom, teasing her about how long she takes and her complaining that her hair takes a lot of maintenance. Now it feels like showering is more of a necessity than the pleasure she used to see it as.

The bathroom doesn’t fill with steam due to the cold water so when she glances in the mirror, she can see herself clearly. The piercings she’d let heal from college back in full force and the bags under her eyes looking darker than they did even during their most intense Team Arrow missions.

The pink in her hair is a constant reminder of how wrong this all is. Despite William claiming it ‘cool’, high praise from a thirteen-year-old boy, to Felicity it’s a costume, a mockery. Something that she can constantly see from the corner of her eye to ground her, remind her that her husband is gone, that the fantasies she dreams up in her head of their reunion are just that.

_Fantasies. _

Shaking her head, she applies her makeup and fixes her hair into something that looks semi-presentable. The coffee shop doesn’t really have a dress code but she thinks even her super laidback boss would raise an eyebrow at her bedhead. She misses her ponytail and her glasses and the armor they used to provide her with. The clothes are baggy and a million miles away from the skirts and dresses that line her closet in Star City. They help with the act, however, and Felicity has to admit that the combination of them with the hair truly does create a persona that no one who knew her from Star City would recognize her in. 

She loses count of the days somewhere along the line. She knows it will only cause her more pain to know exactly how long it’s been since she laid eyes on Oliver’s face, since she felt his skin under her hands, his lips pressed against her own…

“Felicity?”

She jumps at the sound of her name and turns to see William stood on the other side of the kitchen, concern on his face.

She’s not too sure how she got into the kitchen. It often feels like she’s working on autopilot nowadays but she fakes her best smile as she looks at her son.

“Hey, morning Will.” She greets and he looks at her, obviously unconvinced by her coverup.

“Are you okay?” He asks, looking at her dubiously and she nods, busying herself with turning the coffee machine on.

“I’m good. How about you? You sleep okay?” She asks and William pauses for a second before deciding to play along.

“Yeah, it was fine.” He shrugs and Felicity sighs. William doesn’t sleep much better than she does most nights, they’ve woken each other up screaming from nightmares more times than she can count in the weeks since Oliver went to prison.

“You good to stop by the coffee shop on the way to school for breakfast?” She poses and William nods with a smile. Their routine holds a lot less homecooked food than it used to. Felicity is as much of a disaster in the kitchen as she always has been and it’s not really fair to get a thirteen-year-old to cook all the time. She’s just grateful that the coffee shop is happy to donate a pastry to the boy most mornings. She’s entirely sure that her boss thinks they can’t afford it and is taking pity on them for that reason which is why Felicity has grown into the habit of slipping ten dollars into the register each week to more than cover the cost.

“Yeah, sounds good. Could you sign this permission slip? It’s just to say that you’re happy to let me do this science experiment.” He explains and it’s only then that Felicity notices the slip of paper in his hands.

“Sure.” She manages a small smile and takes the form from the boy, reaching for the pen he also offers. It takes her a second to remember to sign her fake name and she freezes at the blank space next to the word ‘date’.

“It’s the 24th.” William prompts and Felicity frowns.

“Of July?” She asks, amazement sneaking into her voice and William frowns, reaching out to touch her shoulder.

“Yeah? Are you sure you’re okay, Fliss?” He asks and Felicity blinks for a second before she nods.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” She promises with a smile and William nods, smiling in that charming way of his that always reminds Felicity of his father.

“Okay.”

She finishes filling out the form and hands it back to her son. She waits until he heads back into his room to grab his backpack before she stumbles over to the table, sinking into a chair.

July 24th.

It’s her birthday.

She’s 29 years old today.

Before she can stop herself, she immediately remembers this time last year. The way that Oliver had shown up at the loft, a nervous smile on his face and a bag of groceries. She remembers thinking how handsome he had looked in his suit as he offered to cook her dinner. It was that night they discussed where they were going. She remembers the feeling of his hand in hers, his voice shaking nervously as he told her how much he loved her but that he needed to focus on his son. She remembers the warmth that had risen in her chest as she watched the man she adored ramble about his boy, that spark in his eye that told her just how _proud _of William he was. It had been then that she knew there was no way she was stepping back from this, that Oliver and William were her future and she was committed to taking those small, slow steps towards forever.

They’d parted that night with a lingering moment by the door, hands clasped together and ‘soon’ posed on both their lips. She remembers the way Oliver had blushed when she rose onto her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek and the way that her skin had tingled for hours after when he’d pressed his own parting kiss to her forehead.

A year ago today, she had been filled with so much hope. The promise of walking down a road together had been lingering in her eye. It was scary, to look forward with that much optimism for where they might go, but Felicity had been so sure in Oliver and their love for each other that she had never doubted where they were headed.

She can’t imagine that kind of pure belief in the universe and its plan now.

“You ready?” William asks and Felicity nods, forcing herself to show the boy a small smile as she rises onto her feet.

A year ago, she spent a rare evening with the man she loved and looked towards the future with hope for what it may bring. Today… today has to be just another day.

Felicity’s not sure she can cope with it being any other way.

“Yeah, let’s get going.” She confirms and reaches for her own bag as William heads towards the door.

* * *

Later that day, the bell above the door jangles as it opens. Felicity sighs from where she’s wiping down tables. “We’re closed!”

She speaks without looking up but footsteps still grow nearer and she huffs, stopping her task as she turns around to face the intruder.

Except it’s not an intruder at all.

William is stood there, clutching a cupcake with a singular lit candle in it, and a shy smile on his face.

“What are you…?” She starts but William just grins, taking a step forward.

“I bribed the security detail to bring me here with the promise that I’d buy him his own cupcake. Happy Birthday, Fliss.” He smiles and Felicity takes in a shaky breath, tears filling her eyes.

“Will…” She starts but the boy merely shakes his head, stretching his arms forward.

“You have to make a wish.” He tells her, still smiling at her and she grins, shaking her head.

“Okay.” She nods and wipes her tears away before she closes her eyes and prays for the only thing she’s been longing for months now.

_I wish our family was whole again. _

“Woo!” William whoops as she opens her eyes and blows out the candle. She can’t help but giggle at the sight of him so happy. It’s the first time she’s seen him grin properly in months.

“Come here.” She tells him and opens her arms. He places the cupcake down carefully before he steps into the hug, the two of them swaying back and forth in the empty coffee shop.

“Happy Birthday Fliss, I’m sorry I forgot earlier.” He whispers into her hair and Felicity shakes her head, turning so that she can kiss his temple.

“Don’t be silly, sweet boy. You didn’t have to do anything. Thank you so much for my cupcake. It’s perfect.” She grins and William responds by squeezing her tightly.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They settle into a table in the corner, splitting the small cake between the two of them. William opted for red velvet which Felicity assures him is an excellent choice and they smile and chat in a way that they haven’t in months. There’s a lightness to their conversation somehow, as if the weight of where they really are and what’s missing disappears for just a few moments.

Eventually though, the town bells begin to chime ten o’clock and Felicity knows that she needs to get William back and into bed. He helps her to clear up the rest of the shop and waits patiently as she locks up before they drive back to the safe house that Felicity can’t quite bring herself to call home. William rushes inside as she locks the car and she begins to follow, nodding with a small smile to the man hiding just out of sight with his ARGUS badge just visible.

She goes to step into the door when she’s suddenly startled.

“Ms. Smoak?”

Felicity frowns at the words of the security detail. They’re generally more of the lay low, don’t interact type so hearing noise from the tall, buff man in uniform startles her a little.

“Yes?”

“Mr. Diggle asked me to give you this.” He tells her and Felicity frowns but takes the offered, folded slip of paper.

“Thank you.” She smiles before she follows her son into the house, activating her security protocols behind her.

She waits until William goes to bed, his door shut securely behind him, before she heads into her own, cold bedroom again. Sinking down into the sheets, she reaches for the paper and clutches a pillow tightly as she unfolds the creases.

She can’t hold in her gasp at the sight of Oliver’s handwriting. It’s obviously rushed and untidy as if it’s the first thing he’s written in a while, but it’s _his, _there’s no denying.

_My beautiful Felicity, _

_Thank you for the picture, it’s keeping me going in here. _

_Happy birthday, honey. I love you so much. More than you’ll ever know. _

_All my love,_

_Oliver x_

Felicity turns her head into her pillow to cover the sounds of the sobs that rise in her throat as she reads Oliver’s short words. This bed has always felt like an ocean, the other side cold and untouched, but now, as she clutches the first real thing of her husband’s she’s seen in months, she’s unsure if she’s ever felt so alone.


End file.
